We hosted an online seminar for our female clients who want to learn English and we tailored it for creating great relationships with non Japanese men. The participants were from Tokyo, Fukuoka, and San Francisco. The American Instructor was my husband, Roland. We used the zoom app for the conference call.

First, we asked them to send us their introductions. Second, we discussed how to appeal to American men. Third, we answered questions from the participants.

Here are some areas that Japanese women have difficulty with because of language and cultural differences with western countries.

1. Japanese people don’t say most important things first.

This is because the structure of Japanese sentences is opposite from the structure of English sentences. Gramatically, there is nothing wrong with this, but we explained to them that it is better to state the most important thing first. Here is an example.

Japanese: I like help people’s dream, so I love my job.
English: I love my job since I like helping people realize their entrepreurial dreams.

2. Japanese men and women do not usually use sweet words for each other.
   In the US or many western countries, couples use “honey”, “darlin”, “my dear” when they call each other. In Japan, there is no such wonderful expressions, so Japanese people hesitate to use such terms of endearment. If you are dating a Japanese women and she does not use these terms, you will need to teach her to use words like, “honey”, “darlin”, and “my dear” until they get used to using these terms. It is a cultural difference and it may take some time for her to get used to western ways.

3. Japanese women hesitate to ask what is really on their minds to their dates.

One of the participants explained about her personal relationship with her American boyfriend. She said the relationship is fine, but she feels that he does not want to discuss about their future. She does not want to give him pressure, so she hesitates to ask important questions that she wants to know the answer to.  It depends partly on the status of the relationship.  In the west it is acceptable for a woman to ask for what she wants and to ask questions about whatever she wants to know. Ideally a relationship is open and clear. If he is not ready to talk about his future with her, she can stay longer with him if she thinks it will improve or she can leave him. She can look for a man who is ready to talk openly about planning a life together and get married. Actually, there are many Japanese women who have this same issue with their boyfriends. I think it would be better for him to tell her if he is ready or not to get married. He should not waste her time. Open and honest communication is beneficial to everyone in a relationship.

At the end of the lesson, we discussed the phrase

“I am thinking of you.”

This is a magic phrase that she can say to him at anytime to show that she cares for him without giving him pressure.

We hope their relationships with their boyfriends will be successful.

Naoko Matsumoto: CEO and Your Personal Matchmaker